mutual apathy, polar affections
by lowi
Summary: It all began like a game, and both threw themselves in headfirst. But is there always only one winner? -LouisScorpius for Dee


_A/N: For Dee (__fairy lights and snow__). Happy birthday, I hope you had the most wonderful day, and I'm sorry this is so incredibly late._

_This is also written for the __NextGen Prompts!__ Thread at the PROMPTS-forum, for the 30__th__ September's set._

_Many thanks to my amazing beta mew (__mew-tsubaki__)!_

* * *

**mutual apathy, polar affections**

It was early in the morning, too early in the morning, and Louis could hardly keep his eyes open. He chewed on his toast without noticing its taste, all the while wanting someone to acknowledge him, tell him that he could go back to sleep if he wanted to and skip Transfiguration.

Okay, it was his own fault that he was this tired. He shouldn't have stayed up all night drawing. But it was so hard to put his pen away when he had inspiration, which he hadn't had for weeks.

He yawned all of a sudden, which caused his eyes to shut themselves. It took a whole lot of effort to open them again, but when he finally managed to, they met another pair of eyes.

Eyes that were grey, eyes that had dark circles beneath them, eyes that looked as tired as his.

Of course, or maybe not of course, but after a few seconds of confused contemplation, he recognized them. They belonged to Scorpius Malfoy, two years younger and as much of a Slytherin as Louis was a Hufflepuff. And that was none at all, thank you very much.

Not that he had anything against Hufflepuffs, of course not, it was just that he quite liked to think he was a bit…er…cooler than most Huffs, to be honest.

Not that there wasn't anyone cool in Hufflepuff already, sure, there were cool people there as well, like…like…

What was he doing? Really? Trying to excuse himself in front of _himself_? Oh, Merlin, he had to be really tired.

He shook his head a bit to get some order on his thoughts and looked up, just to see Scorpius smirking at him. Louis suddenly realized that his cheeks were burning, and oh _no_, that couldn't be why Scorpius was smirking, could it?

That little whiny brat, he surely didn't think it was he who had made Louis blush, did he now? That just couldn't happen. But Scorpius just got an even more teasing glint in his eyes, as he slowly took a bite from his toast, not once letting his gaze let go of Louis.

He could feel the blush spread up to his ears, and, sorry, why was this even happening? Scorpius was already so full of himself; Louis shouldn't be helping him boost his ego.

Louis swallowed and looked down at the table, determined to make his face return to its usual colour. It was just that he didn't know how to do it, and he could sense Scorpius still looking at him, he could see the smug look he was bound to be wearing in his mind, and it was a lost case. The blush went deeper. He didn't really know why, though. At first it wasn't even because of Scorpius that he had blushed, but now it apparently was.

Well, two knew how to play this game, and no red face, thanks to bloody Weasley genes, was going to stop Louis. "Do I have something in my hair?" he asked Scorpius innocently.

Scorpius gave him an unfathomable look. "…no," he answered wearily.

"On my face then?" Louis put on a concerned look and lifted a finger to his lips, as though in search for a crumb.

"Nope," Scorpius answered, and Louis grinned inwardly.

"So, what are you looking at then?" he asked, as innocent as before.

Now Scorpius blushed, though compared to Louis it was invisible, so faint. Again, damn the Weasley genes. "Er…well…you."

"Me? Why's that?" Louis raised his eyebrows.

Scorpius' eyes shifted. He mumbled something and was suddenly very interested in his toast again. Louis smiled a bit and decided he was finished with breakfast, so he rose from his chair and went out after a "See ya, kiddo," to Scorpius.

He felt rather good when he walked up to Gryffindor Tower to grab some books; he was much more awake and he had handled the situation rather successfully, if he was to say it himself.

The only question was why he had blushed so much—_and_ why he had enjoyed getting back at Scorpius so much…

* * *

It was funny, Louis thought, how one really could not notice a person for months. Even though they shared common room, even though they went to the same school, Louis hadn't paid Scorpius a minute of attention.

Not that Scorpius had paid him much attention either, but still.

Now, though, it was rather hard not to pay attention to Scorpius, he had to admit. He didn't know why, but his eyes kept being drawn to him every single moment he didn't concentrate not to do so, and all he could think of was how much thinner he looked than at that time in the Great Hall.

And, again, that he hadn't noticed this changing.

But really, he had had those dark circles beneath his eyes back then, but his cheekbones hadn't been _that_ emphasized, had they? To be honest, he looked a bit sick.

Oh, no. Now Scorpius had caught him looking. Was this going to be a repeat of that time in the Great Hall? If so, it was a bit embarrassing, actually. And it would probably be worse this time, being in the garden of the Burrow on a Weasley/Potter gathering. Louis cast a glance to the left of him, where Lily sat chatting away gleefully with Uncle Percy. She was bound to notice, if he and Scorpius began bantering again. And, hey, what was Scorpius even doing here? Louis had wondered when his thoughts caught up with themselves.

Didn't he just say it was a Weasley/Potter family dinner? He poked Molly in the ribs, since she was sitting next to him.

"What's Scorpius doing here?" he half whispered. She narrowed her eyes and rubbed the place where he had nudged her.

"No need to hit me, Louis. And can't you ask him yourself? I mean, he's sitting just in front of you. And why are we even whispering?" She gave him an angry glare and returned to Teddy, whom she had on her other side.

Louis pursued his lips and refused to look across the table. He didn't dare to look up and see if Scorpius was still looking at him, and he didn't even know why he was acting like this.

Because really, all these weeks in school he hadn't had a thought of Scorpius, but now, the first week into the summer holidays, the first time he properly met him again, he was close to blushing just because of him looking at him?

What was going on with him?

"What are you doing here?" he finally blurted out when he couldn't stand the silence between them anymore, when he couldn't stand the look of his plate anymore. And he didn't even care he sounded harsh, because now the quietness was broken, and the urge to go and hide was gone.

"Oh, Al invited me." Scorpius gave Louis a faint smile and pushed around a piece of potato on his plate.

"Oh…" Louis answered and, after a moment, realized he had to take his eyes off Scorpius now, in order not to begin blushing again. He still didn't know why, but he didn't want to risk anything.

And then the rest of the dinner passed in awkward silence. Louis would have done anything to get away from there, but there simply was no "anything" he could have done.

* * *

Louis had missed Scorpius. A lot. The whole summer had passed, and this time he actually had noticed it and been thinking about Scorpius. He still didn't quite know why, but there were these moments were he would doze off, get caught up in his thoughts, and the similarity between these times was that every single time, Scorpius' eyes would appear in front of him.

It made him feel a bit creepy, and it scared him a bit, but he couldn't think of that now, not when said eyes finally were there, for real.

They were walking next to each other, in the pouring rain, to Hogwarts. Somehow, they had managed to miss the carriages, or maybe not _somehow_.

Louis hardly wanted to admit it, but when he had noticed Scorpius being late off the train, very late off the train, he had himself instinctively slowed down. And when Scorpius had caught up with him, he had tugged at his arm, so that the two of them had slipped into the shadows of the station house, until everyone had left.

He still didn't know why he had done it, and he couldn't come up with any suggestions now, either. But Scorpius had obediently stayed, and not even questioned his behavior. He had simply looked at him with grey, outstanding eyes and Louis had gotten something in his throat.

So now they were walking. The rain had begun to pour down even harder, and in the darkness Scorpius eyes shone like the moon, devouring him and captivating him.

Suddenly Scorpius stopped. Louis did the same, after half a step. They stood like that for a while, and then Scorpius took a step closer to Louis, looked into his eyes, and Louis drowned, as simple as that.

Louis blushed, and the hint of a smirk on Scorpius' lips appeared, and then they met Louis'. It was so intense; he had to stop himself from moaning. Scorpius was only fifteen, he had to remind himself; he couldn't let him take control over this.

As if that'd work. All he could do was not completely succumb and melt into a puddle among all the rainwater puddles on the path. Scorpius' lips wandered across his mouth, his hands slipped underneath his shirt, and Louis' hands were suddenly in Scorpius' hair, and it was so soft, even though it was soaking.

Scorpius buried his head in the crook underneath Louis' cheek all of a sudden, and Louis didn't understand what had happened.

Was Scorpius shivering because of the coldness…or from something else? He put his hands on Scorpius' back, which was clad in nothing but a wet, thin, white t-shirt, and it really could be the coldness, because it was freezing, and even Louis had goose bumps, even though he had a sweater on.

Or was that because of something else?

But, Louis'…er…excitement that made _him_ shiver wasn't what mattered now. Scorpius mattered, because now he was clutching onto Louis as if there was nothing else that could prevent him from falling into pieces.

"Scorpius?" Louis whispered and grabbed him around his neck, so that he could lift his face up to meet his own. "What is it?" he continued when he saw that it couldn't only be raindrops that had stained his face.

Scorpius refused to meet his eyes and looked up into the dark, pitch-black sky. "I don't know, I just…I don't know."

Louis opened his mouth to say something, to make Scorpius happy again, to assure him that it was all right, but then Scorpius was there again. And this time, it was much more desperate. Louis thought that the first kiss had been hungry and hard, but this…it was so much more.

He simply couldn't do anything else but let himself be ravished by Scorpius' angry, hot, and yet so cold lips. They moved over him; they lingered at his cheekbone, at his neck, and he could only try and catch up with them.

And Scorpius' hands were shaking and ice cold, but they managed to light a fire on Louis' back, in his spine, where they were dancing and touching, inside of his shirt and only wanting to feel.

Louis couldn't think anymore.

He didn't even remember what happened after, how it all stopped, how they arrived at the school, when they walked into the Great Hall for dinner, or even _if _they really did.

It was only Scorpius' hands he could feel across his body, and his lips against his, and the sudden waking up when he was in his dormitory again, and James threw a pillow at him.

"What's wrong with you?"

Oh, Louis. That awkward moment when you have to tell your best friend why you were late to dinner, why you arrived with Scorpius and both were soaking wet, why you apparently kept looking at him all dinner and not hearing a word of anything else, why your hair was disheveled and he also wouldn't stop looking at you…that moment had arrived.

* * *

Louis felt his body grow uneasy; he was tapping his fingers all the time, not once being still. He knew it was silly of him, to be this nervous, but he couldn't help it.

Finally the door to the Transfiguration classroom opened, and a bunch of people flooded out. Louis took a step to the left to let them pass, caught a glance of Rose's red hair, but didn't acknowledge the confused look she threw him. Scorpius was there, one of the last to come out, and that was all that mattered.

"Hey!" He put a hand on his shoulder so that he spun around. Scorpius narrowed his eyes slightly, and Louis realized for the first time that he was a little bit taller than him, and that made him even more uneasy. "Why haven't you spoken to me, since…er…you know?"

Scorpius gave him one look, and grabbed him around his wrist so he could pull him with him. They walked in silence, pushing through the crowd, and came to an abandoned corridor. "What do you mean?"

"What, 'what do you mean'? You know what I mean," Louis answered, and he pulled his arm to himself, of which Scorpius hadn't let go.

Scorpius' jaw clenched for a minute, and then his face dropped. "I have just been…how to put it…confused."

Louis chewed on his lip, and then Scorpius' eyes lifted to meet his.

"I'm sorry. About everything."

"There's no need to be, really," Louis answered, and felt as confused as Scorpius had claimed to be. What was he talking about? Was he confused about them, or about what they had done, or was this the reason as to why he had been looking so sick earlier, or as to why he had cried in the middle of their kiss?

"You don't know that, Louis." Scorpius smiled, but it was only the ghost of a smile, and then he sat down against the wall. "You don't know what I've done."

Louis followed Scorpius down to the floor, and there was something inside of him that pounded, something that made him want to make Scorpius shut up and never ever tell him, but he said, "What?" anyway.

"Everything that you could do wrong, I've done." Scorpius' eyes darted across the brick wall in front of them. "I've hurt everyone. I—I can't be with people without doing something that makes them hate me, Louis."

"Scorpius, what are you talking about?"

"You haven't noticed? Gosh, I actually thought there was something in that pretty head of yours, Louis," he laughed, but it didn't sound like a laugh. "You haven't noticed that Al isn't talking to me, that I've broken both Rose's and Dom's hearts, as they put it. That your entire family hates me, for Merlin's sake?"

Louis narrowed his eyes. Had he really missed this? Or maybe, he hadn't. Maybe he had noticed Dominique this summer looking gloomy one moment, and spitting fire at everyone close by the next. And maybe he had heard the shouting match she had had with Rose. And maybe he had heard James saying something about Albus being pissed off the past few weeks.

Maybe James had even said to him that first night this year that he had to be kidding him, when he told him about Scorpius.

Louis groaned. Was he really thinking about Scorpius so much that he hadn't noticed anything else?

"Why are you doing it, then?" Louis asked slowly, and Scorpius chuckled humorlessly.

"I can't help it, Louis. It just happens. I don't know why, I just grew bored with Dom and Rosie, and happened to get caught between them, and then Albus hated me also. And now everyone I know hates me. And here I was, thinking that I could give the Malfoy name a good reputation finally. And all I do is dirty it by cheating and conveying that average slutty behavior."

Louis felt himself smile, despite everything. "I don't hate you, Scor."

"You should." Scorpius folded his arms so that he clutched his knees to his upper body. "You really should," he repeated, a bit more silent.

"But I don't." Scorpius turned his face, and the look on his face was the most open, the sincerest that Louis ever had seen there. So Louis bent forward and kissed him slowly on his lips again.

This time there was no desperation. It was slow, and it was sweeter than anything. Their mouths melted together, and Louis turned himself around so that he was facing Scorpius properly, and Scorpius grabbed hold of him so that he was in Scorpius' lap, and it was like a dance. They were synchronized and Louis thought he almost could hear music.

When they broke free, their breaths mingling into a mixture of heats which they didn't know from whom it'd come, Scorpius laughed again.

"What?" Louis asked and leaned a bit forward so his forehead rested against Scorpius. They could hardly look at each other without squinting their eyes when they were this close.

"I said I was casting disgrace over the family name before, right? As if this is going to be any better…" Scorpius shook his head, and his eyes were shining like two stars when he caught Louis' lips between his teeth. "My dad's going to be so mad at me," he mumbled against Louis.

Louis smiled as well as he could when he was occupied by Scorpius' mouth. "But it doesn't matter."

"Nope," Scorpius agreed.

Later that night, Louis would realize that a bite of his heart had been taken by Scorpius. But he would, when he thought of the softness of Scorpius' hair, realize he didn't care. Scorpius could take all of his heart if he wanted—he didn't care at all.


End file.
